


it hurts until it doesn’t

by dirtylittlewar



Category: Professional Wrestling, 新日本プロレス | New Japan Pro-Wrestling
Genre: M/M, sounds depressing but it’s got a happy ending I swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-09-24 00:03:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20349037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirtylittlewar/pseuds/dirtylittlewar
Summary: It’s been a month and a half.A month and a half too late of not answering Zack’s simple text asking whether or not he’d be free to meet up soon?It’s neither one of their fault but...things have changed. He feels worse for responding than if he hadn’t responded at all, and the feeling get progressively heavier the longer he goes without a response on Zack’s behalf.





	it hurts until it doesn’t

People fall out.

Whether it be to distance, personal growth or a gradual shift in differing ideologies. Sometimes it can be all or none of those things and people just stop talking until losing touch has become the norm. 

It’s natural.

At least Desperado tells himself that as he stares at an unanswered message dating back three weeks. He’s been meaning to sit down and properly answer it. But he’s just been too busy to respond to it in the way he truly wants. 

Zack has a G1 to finish, a progressively growing line of title defenses to consider, and Desperado is relearning what it is to be sober. 

Actually sober. 

Which was both terrifying and absolutely daunting once he’d gotten past those first initial weeks of withdrawal. At least the ones where he didn’t have the pain pills to make up for the lack of alcohol. But then once the prescriptions ran out and he realized it wasn’t worth the hassle of even working a shake around the wires in his mouth, much less alcohol, Desperado could almost do without. 

So it comes as a surprise he doesn’t hit the bottle as soon as the dentist cuts the last row of metal wiring in his mouth. What he does instead is a little more embarrassing, slightly more in line with who he is as a person, and he’s only half embarrassed about immediately going out to eat a proper meal. Only to immediately throw up afterwards because his stomach forgot what actual food tastes like. It was his fault anyways for eating past his limit. 

So he waits until he’s worked himself back into a normal eating routine before he finally thinks about texting Zack back to see if he wants to come over for dinner. 

It’s been a month and a half.

A month and a half too late of not answering Zack’s simple text asking whether or not he’d be free to meet up soon?

It’s neither one of their fault but...things have changed. He feels worse for responding than if he hadn’t responded at all, and the feeling get progressively heavier the longer he goes without a response on Zack’s behalf.

Zack’s waited a month and a half. 

Desperado is barely enduring five hours into what is considered day three. 

Douki ends up coming back from his matches overseas and Desperado couldn’t be happier. That sentiment grows tenfold when Douki comes by his apartment with a bag of El Pato sauce, beer, and a few dozen corn tortillas. Asking if he’s ready to finally have real food.

They end up making enchiladas, well, Desperado ends up making a majority of them from whatever additional ingredients he has sitting around in his pantry. He puts Douki on cheese grating and onion chopping duty before he makes certain he watches as Desperado soaks each tortilla, filling and rolling each one, before carefully cooking it in a pan. He almost wishes he had Manteca to make it taste that much better but Douki was already doing him a favor by getting the harder to find ingredients. 

They’re not as prefect as Desperado remembers his mom making but to Douki at least they taste like his second home. Enough so that Douki ends up putting away two plates and is only half joking when he proposes to Desperado in the middle of his messy kitchen. 

“Thanks...by the way.” Quiet and nearly inaudible as it’s mumbled into the lip of his still full beer. 

Douki tilts his head to look at him, not really having to do much work considering he’s slumped against Desperado’s shoulder. Ready to counter with a much too genuine and overly obnoxious quip of, ‘no, thank you, hermano’ until he reads Desperado’s face. 

There’s a lot to unload there. Most of them conversations better left to when Douki is a little more sober and little less jet lagged. But he picks on the one that hints at Desperado being genuinely thankful for the company. Even if Despy complains about kicking Douki out if he so much as thinks about sleeping over and ruining his new couch. Especially with the added notion that Douki technically makes enough money now to afford his own place.

Douki inevitably ends up sleeping over but he spares Desperado’s couch the grief and winds up in his bed instead. 

It’s strictly non sexual. 

Not that he hasn’t thought about it but it’s not something he needs.

Douki folds over him, spooned against Desperado’s much broader back and kicking him with only a quarter of his real strength as Desperado teases him. Content to indulge and be indulged in this weirdly comfortable comradely of physical affection. 

Affection he’s missed, quite honestly.

Douki ends up falling asleep first. 

Face pressed into Desperado’s shoulder and exhaling softly as he loosely clings to his waist. It’s drastically different from sharing a bed with Zack, who manages to take up significantly less room despite being twice the size of them both. Douki likes to be close without being suffocating, favoring his side, but being willing to adjust to the moments when Desperado just wants to lay on his chest. A position Zack often takes in those rare moments where they’re afforded shared hotel rooms. Content to smother Desperado with his weigh but even happier to endure that same mass as Desperado anchors Zack down, even as they share one too many sheets. 

Desperado rubs at his eyes. Chancing a look at his phone to see how many hours of sleep he’ll actually get in as he lays awake, before seeing a new text. 

‘ Sorry. I’ve been an outright cunt since I’ve been losing, even Taichi is getting properly annoyed. ‘

Desperado rereads that. Taking it as Zack not being upset with him for having taken so long to reply to his earlier texts. But he still can’t help wishing Douki were awake to help him alleviate some of that lingering uncertainty. 

‘ Taichi’s just mad you’re doing a better job at his own gimmick than he is. ‘

Desperado dims his screen. Mindful of Douki still slumbering behind him as he opens up a random game while waiting on a response. Which he doesn’t have to wait long for as Zack sends what appears to be a picture, taken more than likely earlier that day, of Taichi’s disgruntled face. Taichi is definitely the focus of the photo but Desperado can’t help but divert all of his attention on Zack. 

He looks good. 

Better than good, even in something as boring as his usual combo of work out clothes. Desperado says as much too and feels his face grow warm when Zack offers to send something a little better, something a lot less clothed.

It’s like nothing’s changed at all and he’s a little relieved in how easy it is to revert back to their normal banter. Even if Desperado is a little regretful that it’s taken this long.

He snaps a picture of himself and Douki, who’s outright drooling into his shoulder by now, before attaching it to his following text. 

‘ Save it for when I don’t have company over. ‘

Zack’s typing something but stops. The three little dots hovering for a few moments longer before completely disappearing. It feels a lot like Desperado needs to apologize, he’s been wanting to do a lot of that lately, but he doesn’t get the chance. Zack’s already beat him to it first. 

He almost doesn’t want to read it. 

Afraid that Zack may have misunderstood his earlier response by thinking he wasn’t interest or worse.

‘ I missed you. Sorry, if that’s a little too forward after all of this time. But you sent that picture and I just...I haven’t seen you in so long. I didn’t know what to say. ‘

Desperado wants to laugh, maybe cry but he can’t say he has the energy to do either because it’s just been so weird for the past month and a half. He’s actually dealing with his emotions in real time and in a way that doesn’t feel like there’s a layer of glass covering everything. 

He thinks Zack needs to hear this so he carefully slips out from under Douki’s embrace to head towards the living room. Dialing Zack and not giving him the slightest room to breath as he immediately gets out everything he’s been meaning to say. 

It’s cathartic but terrifying. 

Especially when he hears Zack sniff, a sure sign he’s trying to cover up the fact he wants to cry but refuses to do so for at least a few moments longer. Or at least until he’s found a better enough distraction to take away from the fact he hates doing so. 

“I’m sorry...it’s been weird. I thought we had a falling out because before I realized it it was already a month.”

“Well, you did break your jaw and survive fighting Jun Kasai.” 

He did and he has the metal plate to show for it. But he’s proud of that match, thankful for the opportunity to have wrestled his idol, but even more grateful that it made him realize he’s better than what he usually takes himself for. 

He didn’t give a shit about anything but fighting. He didn’t give a shit about appealing to anyone but himself and as selfish as that sounds, it ended up working to his benefit. He couldn’t have been happier for it. Even if he’ll have to endure Taichi’s bad jokes about sticking magnets to his face or being a pain in the ass during security checks. 

Minor inconveniences.

Zack sniffs again. “Sorry, I missed you too. But probably not as much as you’re going to miss that belt of yours if you don’t kick everyone of those dickheads who you lost to first.”

Zack sniffs harder, laughing, before telling Desperado to go fuck himself. He promises Zack to do it properly once he’s come back before letting him know one last time how much he’s missed him.

Zack one ups him and says he’ll do him one better by making sure it’s while he still has that rev pro belt. 

It’s like nothing’s changed and Desperado couldn’t be happier. But for the things that have he’s content with the change for once. 

Sometimes people fall out and that’s okay, but Desperado and Zack aren’t one of them.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m still not 100% happy with this but I got it at a point where I’m semi okay with it. I was originally gonna make this angsty as hell but copped out and almost wrote a sweet + sour ending so you could pick your own flavor but also gave up on that. I can’t commit to sad shit so you got this. 
> 
> Also maybe gonna finally write for my own late Douki ficfest prompt with that Douki/despy...because I’m weak.


End file.
